Fun Star: Letters from the Editor: It’s all a set up
This article is a work of satire, and is not intended to be taken seriously in any way. Any resemblance to actual events or real people is purely coincidental, and should not be regarded with any degree of seriousness.
First things first, I know the rest of you have been wondering about the █████████ ███ incident. They pulled that kid kicking and screaming from the ███████ building, but he was trying to tell us the truth about our scholarships. They’re all just █████. █████████ ███ doesn’t help students anymore, it just puts them further in the hole. The university wants us to ████ ██████ ████ and I’m sick of the lies.
There is no █████████ ████████, there is nothing that’s going to ████ ███ ██████, and there’s nothing to ███ -students ████ ███████. How long does the average student have to go here before they figure it out? Two years? Four? Do we have to graduate with a PhD before we realize ████ █████ ██████████ ██ ███████ █ █████ ████ ██ ████ ███ █████? Your scholarships █████ ████ and you can’t make enough at your student job to pay off your parking pass, let along ███ ███ ████ ███████.
It’s a nightmare out there. We’ve got students living off of food pantry donations and working in indentured servitude and the █████████████ want to ███ ██ █████ █████████ and pretend it’s all right. Congratulations UAF, we’ve got six ██████████ ████ ███████████ while we axe departments left and right and █████████ ███ keeps handing out more ████ applications. Student ████? What student ████? You need to fill out this paperwork for $███,███ ████. That’ll help your student ████.
And then, just when some poor kid figures it all out, the UAF ██ storm the building, yank him out of █████████ ███, and try to pass the whole thing off as a nervous breakdown. Well I’m done with not letting the paper publish anything about it. This ██████ ██████ was out of control years ago and the state economy isn’t going to magically get better. The money fairy isn’t going to show up and save us and neither are the ███ █████████. This university can’t ████ ███ students ███ ███████.
You can’t keep all this quiet anymore UAF. ███████ has been rising and ██████████ keeps dropping. The Sun Star’s been investigating these things for ██ years. Short of redacting this entire editorial, there’s nothing you can do to stop the truth. Tell students the truth about their █████ and their ███████. It’s the least you can do.