Fun Star: “No dogs” signs appear on campus

This article is a work of satire, and is not intended to be taken seriously in any way. Any resemblance to actual events or real people is purely coincidental, and should not be regarded with any degree of seriousness.

Dog peering over its shoulder after yet another person started to whine in a high pitched baby voice saying, “Oh my god, you’re so cute!”

“Dog Free Campus” signs began appearing on campus last week after the new policy came into effect on Friday, March 23. It has been two weeks since the ban was enforced; yet, dogs can still be seen on campus.

“I don’t understand,” said Alice Canter, a senior studying biology. “UAF has always been dog friendly. At least, that’s what I thought.”

Canter regularly walks her two corgis every morning.

“I’m not going to stop,” said Canter. “I encourage no one stop.”

Similar sentiments are being expressed campus-wide. There has been discussions of a rally being organized for next Monday, April 9 outside the Wood Center. Science major Mark Brink is among those organizing the rally.

“Everyone loves dogs,” said Brink. “It’s a scientific fact. You can’t deny science. It’s ludicrous, really, that the Board of Regents would think something like this would be okay. Of course students are going to react.”

Brink was adamant about the rally and stated that he’ll campout if he has to.

Dog owner walks dog in prohibited areas. The owner was already told to leave several parts of campus because of the new policy but still had the compulsion to walk her dog.

When addressed about the rally, campus police had no comment concerning its possibility. The ban, as stated in the new policy, is expected to be student enforced rather than law enforced.

There has been some opposition against the rally from a small group of students, specifically those members of the Cat Lovers Association and Council (CLAC).

Matthew le Chat established the council in the early 2010s after a poodle attacked le Chat with what current CLAC president Terry Mitts described as “too many doggy kisses.” According to the council’s website, CLAC was “established to help dog lovers understand that not everyone is a ‘dog person.’”

“We understand that not everyone is going to be ‘pro-cat,’” said Mitts. “But many members are severely allergic to dogs and feel threatened by so many being on campus at once, you know.”

CLAC member Erin Pointiers expressed concern with walking her cat on campus prior to the ban.

“I just didn’t feel safe,” Pointiers said.

“The dogs aren’t hurting anyone,” said Canter. “It’s stupid. It’s not like I’m commanding my dogs to go and be all up in people’s faces. I got more respect than that. I’m more upset that students didn’t really get a say in this. People aren’t going to stop walking their dogs because there’s suddenly a ban.”

For more information regarding the dog ban, visit www.uaf.edu/dogfreecampus/

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