TikTok, Influencers, and the Illusion of Perfection: A Mom's Reality Check

By Amber McCain

The other day, I was in a meeting when a coworker jokingly said, “The mother would know.” I laughed and agreed. So today, in light of the twelve-ish hour of TikTok’s ban, let’s have a heart-to-heart, like a mom would give you about social media. For many of us, especially younger generations, social media has become a central part of our identity and social interaction. It’s hard to imagine life without these platforms, but they don’t define who we are.

Now, we don’t know exactly what’s going to happen in the coming days, but I feel like I must offer some motherly advice:

TikTok isn’t the real world. Social media isn’t real. If you find yourself scrolling and thinking everyone else has it together, remember most of what you see is staged. Perfectly edited photos. Fake trips. "Curated" lifestyles. I’m from the 1900s - old enough to remember when social media didn’t exist and it was about genuinely connecting with friends, not making a living off of curated content. Back before influencers were even a thing. Trust me when I say it’s all made up.  I miss the days of sepia-filtered ice cream cones filling my feed and not worrying whether this person was trying to sell me something. 

Lately, some big-name influencers have admitted they’ve lied about their content. “I didn’t drink the coffee I made for TikTok,” “I didn’t work out five times a week like I said I did,” or “I took weight loss pills but didn’t tell you.” With her 2.7 million followers, Lexi Hidalgo revealed that some of her most iconic content was fabricated. She deleted her initial video and tried to backpedal, saying, “The coffee was always for my mom. I drink it now, just not when it was iced and super sweet in 2020.” Similarly, Sara Uy revealed that one of her most-watched videos, with 47 million views, was a complete stunt. She admitted, "I didn’t actually 'forget' to put my skirt on after I put on my tights."

Even beauty influencers like Meredith Duxbury, who claimed to have used ten pumps of foundation in a single video, admitted that she wiped some of it off. And Serena Kerrigan, the self-proclaimed "Queen of Confidence," admitted she had been on Monjauro, a weight loss drug like Ozempic, all along - despite previously denying it. Charli D'Amelio, who rose to fame on TikTok (earning her a spot on Season 31 of Dancing with the Stars), joined the trend by agreeing with her critics who question why she’s famous, joking, “I still don’t understand the hype, either.”

How often have you edited a post, tweaked a caption, or adjusted a filter to get more likes? See what I mean? Social media is all about engagement - and that often means faking it. Constant comparison to the curated versions of others' lives can lead to stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy. Taking a break from the noise - or simply acknowledging the illusion of it all - can do wonders for your mental health.

And let’s not forget: the influencers you admire probably aren’t as flawless as they seem. They have acne, weird hair days, bad posture, food in their teeth, family drama, and embarrassing moments just like us. The people who matter most in your life? They’re probably not online. They’re with you, in person, living the real moments that aren’t captured on a screen.

While I understand that the TikTok ban confusion is leaving some people devastated, I feel compelled to remind you that this isn’t the first app to come and go. Remember Vine, MySpace, LiveJournal, Musical.ly, AIM, Tumblr, and, let’s not forget, Twitter? Over 90% of social media apps fail within their first year. How many accounts have you made for the “next big thing”? Did you use them, or was it just another attempt to fit in? (I’ve been there, too!) Every few years, we see the rise and fall of new platforms - whether it’s TikTok, Vine, or MySpace. The cycle seems to repeat: a new app attracts attention, users flock to it, and eventually, it fades away as something else grabs our collective interest. Maybe it's time we stop letting these fleeting trends dictate our sense of self-worth.

Apps don’t care about your years of memories stored in their databases. They care about profit, not your devotion. Treat them like they’re temporary because they are. The internet and social media platforms are ever-evolving with the times, humanity, and money. I get it. Losing access to a platform that’s been a source of entertainment, income, or community can sting. It’s okay to feel upset. But just like we’ve seen with past social media fads, life goes on. The friendships and communities we build in real life will always be more valuable than any app.

It’s human nature to crave connection and a sense of belonging. We all want to be seen, heard, and validated, and during my first semester at UAF, a wise instructor challenged us to find a story about someone who wasn’t trying to belong. No one could do it. And you know what? You can’t find lasting belonging in an app that could vanish overnight.

So, here’s my challenge: Find belonging in the real world. Find it in the people around you - not in the fleeting world of social media. Take a break from scrolling. Put down your phone and just be with people. Engage in a real conversation. Share a moment without a filter. A genuine connection doesn’t need to be posted for validation.

And remember, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Social media apps come and go, but real life? That’s where the magic is. I’m here, rooting for you.

With love,
Mom